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Book Excerpt - Inspired Recovery
The depression I experienced was so deep and so dark, I would scream out in anguish and pain. I could barely stand it. The mental torment was more agonising to me than any physical injury could ever be. I lost the will to live and attempted suicide more times than I can count. Then the pendulum would swing. Mania would come and take me so high that reality would become a blur, and eventually disappear altogether. A complete breakdown would follow. I’ve had several and have been institutionalised more times than I care to remember. That’s what my experience with bipolar is; huge swings between extreme, overwhelming highs and devastating lows.
I don’t believe there is a line in the sand between mentally ill and mentally well, with everybody belonging on either one side or the other. I see our mental and emotional functioning as a continuum, a line such as a piece of string. Those who operate within the mid range of the line are the ‘functional majority’ and those that operate further out - at either end - at any given time, are less functional. Much of my life has been spent at the extreme ends, swinging back and forth.
When I was young, my mother warned me never to tell anyone what was wrong with me as mental illness has a stigma and others would think I was ‘queer’. So I became adept at covering up. After stints in hospital, friends would ask what was wrong with me so I would say “I’m not sure, they can’t quite put their finger on it” and the questions would stop. Of course, people still knew I was different.
Many people have simply not believed that I am mentally ill – surely I was simply moody and lacking in self control. Those that did believe I had a mental illness thought of me as ‘crazy’ and avoided me at all costs. So many well intentioned people believed that I could be completely healed simply by following their advice and applying willpower. Needless to say, they were extremely disappointed with me when I failed. These were some of the darkest periods of my life. Of course my family and friends simply did not and could not understand the nature of what I was going through, despite their certainty to the opposite. They were always well intentioned and I am grateful that they loved me enough to try. I appreciate how devastating a mental illness can be for family, friends and loved ones... Julie
A current member of the Australian Society of Authors and SCBWI, Sonya is a serious and committed author, who treats writing as a business as well as a passion.
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Her mother’s comment that her life was ‘filled with joy’ was what inspired author Sonya Melbourne to write a book about a lifelong struggle her mother has fought with mental illness.
Inspired Recovery will be a compilation of true stories from those diagnosed with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, who have achieved happiness and success in their lives. In short, Inspired is about the triumph of the human spirit.
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